Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
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