I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
