All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Will you blow on my dice?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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