I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
