you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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