It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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