she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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