one might say we're banned from that church
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
