Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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