It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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