i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
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