do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
