entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
