Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
