So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
this boner is exhausting
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
