It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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