Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
