I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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