I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
