Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize