If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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