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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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