i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
