Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
