I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize