i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
