I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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