Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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