I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
