my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
