it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
