Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
