what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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