Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
