1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize