I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
