google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
