i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
