dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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