How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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