Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
