there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
