dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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