Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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