it hurts more in the daytime
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
