he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
