the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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