u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize