Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
