am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
