I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im part way to drunk.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize