Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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