Nicole vs. Life
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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