You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
