Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
