so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
