I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have aggressive nipples.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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