okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
