Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
