I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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