Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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