My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
