I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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