I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
it was like eating out sand paper
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize