My first STD was from a foam party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
