Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
