I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
