I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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