I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
